Just to See You Again
by QueenSwan89
Summary: Based on a prompt fro DamnedGirl. Emma is three years dead, and on the third anniversary of her death, Regina mourns and sees Emma, but how could she possibly be seeing her dead lover?


Regina looked at the calendar on the wall. It had been nearly nine years since Emma had come to Storybrooke and destroyed her life. Six years had passed since Emma kissed her, 5 years and six months since they realized the were in love, true love. Regina looked at the clock and saw that it was 4:34 pm. She sighed. It was exactly 3 years since Emma had died. Regina found that tears no longer came at the sensible times, like now, when all she could do was sit and think about that day, three years ago.

Regina and Emma had just agreed to try IVT to have a baby. Henry was excited to get the chance to be a big brother, and Regina was happier than she could ever remember, getting the chance to finally have a real family with her fiancé, her son and maybe an additional child to give their love to.

Henry had left for college the year before, unable to cope with being in the town where so many bad things had happened. Regina knew he didn't blame her, but being at home, in Storybrooke, was too much for him when he had come to expect to be home with his two moms instead of just Regina. She couldn't blame him for wanting out, even she wanted out. But Storybrooke held the best memories of her life, raising Henry for ten years alone, then six years with Emma. The things her and Emma did together, the memories they made with each other alone, and the memories they made with Henry, they were things she couldn't leave. As much pain as it caused being without Emma, she knew there was no way she could be away from all of the places that reminded her of her love.

Regina intended to spend the day alone, drinking, thinking of Emma and all the ways she made her feel. However, a knock at the door told her that she was silly for expecting people to respect her need for solitude. Regina answered the door and saw a crying Snow White.

"Snow."

"Oh, Regina, I couldn't, I didn't think you should be alone."

Regina hesitated, then stepped back to allow the other woman in. "Come in."

Snow put her arms around her and Regina tried to return the hug, but was unenthusiastic in her response.

"Are you doing ok, Regina?"

"I'm doing as well as can be expected, Snow." She led the way into her study and offered Snow a drink, but got a shake of the head in refusal. She downed her drink, then poured herself some more. "Clearly, you are not doing well. Why are you not with David?"

"I thought you shouldn't be alone."

"Yes, while I do appreciate the thought, I prefer to be alone, especially when in mourning. If it would so please you, you should go home and be with your husband."

"Have you spoken to Henry today?"

"No. We don't talk on this day. Have you spoken to him?"

"Yesterday he called. We didn't talk about it, we just, well, he asked me how you're holding up."

"And what did you tell him?"

"Just as you asked me to after the first time he called to check in on you. That you're fine and he shouldn't worry about you, that we all make sure you're doing well."

"Thank you, Snow. I appreciate it. I have no intention of being rude, but as I've had a few drinks, I do think it's time you leave. I prefer to mourn in silence."

Snow nodded and the women walked back out to the front door. "I am truly so sorry that you have lost so much, Regina. Life has not been kind to you."

"No, it hasn't. But my time with Henry and my time with Emma was more than I could have ever imagined I deserved after all the things I did, so I suppose I can't be too angry."

"Take care of yourself."

"Likewise, dear."

Once again alone, Regina walked into her study. This room in particular, aside from their bedroom, was the room that reminded her most of Emma. It was where they had snuck their kisses and their moments alone before they told everyone they were together. It was where they had first made love, on Regina's desk. She could just picture Emma sitting on her desk in the tight blue jeans she had been wearing and Regina's favorite green shirt. She had been wearing her silly red leather jacket that night, when Regina had slid it off her shoulders and kissed her. No, she wasn't picturing her there, Emma was sitting there, smiling at her, the big, goofy grin Regina had grown so used to.

Regina shook her head, looking away from the desk, but her eyes were drawn back to it when she saw movement.

"You can't be here, you're dead."

"I'm here. It took a long time, but I'm here."

"I must have had more to drink than I thought."

"You've only had four drinks, you aren't even drunk yet, Regina."

"How do you know how many drinks I've had, you're a figment of my imagination."

"I'm not."

"How are you here, Emma? Don't you see this is hurting me?"

"I'm a spirit. I've been fighting a long time, since I died, to be able to come see you."

"Oh? And what are the rules of this arrangement?"

"My soul doesn't move on. It's waiting for you."

"Waiting for me? How do you mean? Am I to die soon?"

"No. I just stay in this sort of limbo until you do die."

"How is that pleasant for you?"

"Because I can spend time with you, granted as a spirit, but I get to hear your voice and tell you I love you."

Regina began walking to her desk, closer to the blonde. "Can I…can I touch you?"

Emma shook her head, looking down, her hands wrapped on the edge of the desk. "No. I mean, you can, but you won't feel me."

"This is cruel, Emma."

"Do you want me to go away?"

"No."

"Where's Henry?"

"He went to college in New York. He stays with Neal."

"He left you? He left you even after I had no choice?"

"It's hard for him to be here."

"Yeah."

"Don't be mad at him, Emma. He should be enjoying life, it was a big loss for him, having such a short time with you hurts him and I don't want to make him think he has to stay here around so many memories. You weren't here long but you really did infiltrate our lives."

"Regina, I've missed you so much."

"I miss you, too, Emma."

Regina had no idea why she was talking so much to a ghost. She was certain that in the morning when she wasn't buzzed anymore she would regret whatever was happening and feel ridiculous for talking to whatever her mind was projecting."

"I'm really here, Regina, I can see the doubt in your eyes, but I'm here as long as you want me."

"Can other people see you?"

"I don't think so, I think it's just you, because our souls are tied together."

"Have you not seen anything that has happened since you died?"

"No, I just got here, I've been trying, but I haven't seen anything in your life since I died."

"You've missed a lot."

"I know."

"Would you like to know?"

"Not right now, right now I just want to see you smile, so tell me something happy, or if it doesn't hurt too much, remember something with me."

"It always hurts as much as it makes me happy, its how my life goes. When I saw you sitting there I was thinking about the first time we made love."

"Yeah, this was the outfit I was wearing."

"I remember. But your hair was in a ponytail, I remember pulling the band out so I could run my fingers through your hair. I remember how scared I was to be with you, because I hadn't ever slept with someone I loved, and it was terrifying."

"You were only the second person I loved, Neal was the only other one I had ever loved, but with you love was so instinctual, so much more than I could have ever imagined. I'm so very grateful to you for that."

"You don't have to be, it was so much the same for me as it was for you. I gave you everything I had and I wouldn't change it if I could."

"You wouldn't change loving me? Even though you've had to lose me?"

"Emma, you gave me 3 of the best years of my life, and three before that filled with what was basically angry foreplay. I would never trade that just to get rid of the pain."

"I wish I could touch you, Regina."

"Me too." Regina's response caused her to sadden; she looked at the clock and saw that it was nearly 8 pm. She decided bed would be the best option. "I need to go to sleep."

"When I was around we never went to bed before 11."

"Well, you're not around to touch me anymore." Regina shook her head and padded up to the bedroom. She knew the image of Emma would be gone in the morning, no matter how much she may want it to stay, she would do better to leave it be sooner before later.

When she woke the next morning, completely sober and not even a little hung-over she walked to her en suite bathroom and brushed her teeth. She stared intently at the water running down the drain and noticed that tears were pouring from her eyes into the porcelain sink. When she lifted her head she had closed her eyes, willing the tears to stop. Her body ached, she was past 40 now and in the short years since Emma had gone, she was feeling it more and more each year. Feeling how her body wasn't staying as young as it once did. She opened her eyes to look in the mirror and jumped, a high-pitched scream leaving her throat when she saw Emma's face in the mirror.

She spun around quickly, wondering if she really saw her again. Indeed, Emma was standing in front of her, in the doorway to the bedroom.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Regina cried.

"Do you want me to leave, sweetie?"

Regina thought a moment, tears still falling from her chocolate eyes. "No. I never want you to leave. I want to be able to feel you though, to touch you."

"Me too. Maybe someday we can again."

Regina spent days holed up in her house with the blonde ghost. She put off going to work for nearly a week, wanting to stay in her home reminiscing with the ghost of her lover. Finally, when she realized she was almost out of food and had to head to the grocery story and Emma went with her, she realized she could resume her normal life while keeping the blonde around her. She knew it wasn't healthy to rely so much on the company of a ghost, no matter whose ghost it was, but she couldn't help herself, the personality and looks were those of her best friend, she found herself needing Emma's ghost to breathe.

One day, nearly a month after Emma had been hanging around, Regina almost felt her. She had laid her hand against the blonde's cheek and something stopped it from moving through the blonde's face, but she also didn't feel the skin she used to feel.

"So if you're a ghost—"

"I'm a spirit."

"What's the difference?"

"I don't know."

"Ok, anyway, if you're a spirit, then what I see is basically your soul, right?"

"Yes."

"So, can you enter someone's body?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you try? Enter my body."

"What? No, that's silly."

"Because then our souls will be together, in my body."

Emma thought on that a moment. "Are you sure?" Regina nodded. "Can you lay down, or something? I don't know how it works, so I'm just going to try that way." Again, Regina nodded, then she laid down on the bed where they had been sitting. Emma moved to lay on top of her, facing the ceiling, just like Regina had laid. Regina felt a cold sensation spread throughout her entire body, and then all she felt was warmth. It was like she was Emma, but she knew at the same time she was still herself.

It was a strange concept to wrap herself around, she could hear her thoughts, but she could also hear the thoughts of Emma's spirit.

"Regina, can I do something, like, try to use your body?" Emma's spirit thought inside her head. Regina agreed and Emma used her spirit to move Regina's body. Her hands touched herself, first her face, then her hair, caressing it slowly. Her fingertips brushed her lips gently, then her hands moved down to her breasts, gently moving down over them and the softness of her stomach. Regina's breathing hitched and Emma's spirit asked her if it was ok to continue, Regina agreed, realizing that though is was physically just her touching herself, she had the thought in her mind that it was Emma, and that felt so good. Her hands continued down to her hips and she lifted her bottom off the bed, running her fingers over the voluptuous flesh that Emma had always loved. She slowly moved her hands to her front, down her pants, and lace underwear, and touched herself. Her body exploded and Emma was expelled.

"Oh my god, Regina that was amazing! I can't believe I touched you again, that felt so good!" Emma's spirit was very excited.

"I'm glad you liked it. It felt nice for me, too."

"I wanted to make you come. I wonder why your body rejected me."

"I wouldn't know, dear. It was a strange feeling, though." Regina looked at Emma and saw the spirit's eyebrows stitched together in thought. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I was wondering, if I could go into someone else's body and if you had sex with them, since our souls are bound together, if we would, if it might be close to what it was like before."

"I don't think I could do that. I haven't been with anyone else since you."

"You haven't had sex in over three years?"

"I can't be with anyone else, Emma."

"Not even just for sex?"

"No. Especially not just for sex. Since I experience sex for love with you, I don't think I could ever go back, Emma."

"Can I try being in your body again? And will you try to not kick me out?"

Regina nodded. Emma as Regina moved her hands all over the lithe body she now possessed. She put her hand back into the dark pants and moved them along the center of Regina's body, the body she had loved so well for too few years.

This time nothing happened when she caressed her, Regina's body relaxing and enjoying the feeling, the thought that it was Emma's intent to please her, and after she finished, she cried, and Emma's spirit stayed in her body. Regina stood to go to the bathroom and still, the spirit stayed in her. She looked in the mirror and instead of seeing chocolate brown eyes, she saw ocean colored blue-green eyes, the eyes she had loved so intensely. She began crying again, and Emma's spirit left Regina's body.

"That was a strange thing to see, I'm sorry if I kicked you out on accident."

"No, that's ok. We probably shouldn't do that too often anyway."

"Yeah. Thank you, by the way, for that. I've missed how good you are with your hands, um, or apparently my hands."

Emma's spirit chuckled. "How long do you want me to stay?"

"I was thinking, maybe I could just find a way to die, and then we could be with each other, on the same level, we would both be spirits, then we could actually touch each other."

"Absolutely not, Regina! You cannot kill yourself. You need to find someone else to love. Wasn't there someone else who was supposed to be your true love, besides me? What about finding him?"

"I won't ever be able to love anyone but you."

"Ok."

"Stay forever, then. Stay with me forever?"

"I'll stay with you until you don't need me anymore."

"Oh, Emma, I'll always need you."


End file.
